I killed a bee today.
My dad had cancer a few years ago.
I didn’t don’t talk about it
Other than the jokes
We make because I didn’t don’t want to think
About how he could have died.
What would have happened to us then?
I think about the chemicals in bug spray
And how it stinks stinks stinks stinks up
The entire house and smears
All over the kitchen window
That looks into the backyard.
There are kittens back there or there were
Before their feral mother moved them.
Do they need their shots?
The tree behind the shed is overgrown
To the point the branches can touch the ground
And I’m too big paranoid to go back there
Without getting hurt bitten stung
To see if I can find them.
Younger me would have been out there.
I can’t even pick up a dead bee
That I killed killed killed killed
With chemicals that make me think
About cancer and the feral kittens hiding.
I killed a bee